Thursday, April 10, 2014


My mind is a jumbly mess right now. This will be a mess. That's sort of how my life is right now though so I guess that's appropriate.

I have thought of one zillion and two things to write in the last 4 months. None of them ever make it to the screen. All the things just bounce around and around in my head. I'm about to explode and need to get some of them out.

First off a house is just a house. It is just brick, wood, and what not. A home is SO SO much more. A home is your security. It's where when the rest of the world is crazy you can go to find your zen. It's your hide-a-way from the rest of the world. A little piece of the world that is YOURS. In your home you know where everything is and how to find it in the dark. When your baby is sick and needs vicks at 3 a.m. you know exactly where to find it in your sleepy stupor. Even beyond your walls there is your community, your neighbors, your gym, your park, those people down the street that have a flag on their door for every season you may not know them but you know they will always have a decorative flag and there is comfort in predictability, the lady that greets you at Walmart, the workers at the grocery store, you  may not even realize it but you recognize so many more people that you even know and there is comfort in that. It helps make up your home. There were a few people I could always count on walking past our house at a certain time. They would be out with their dogs and we may exchange a few pleasantries or just a nod but we "knew" each other. This is what I miss.

 Eislynn is already asking if we will be able to go to "touch down Washington" games this fall. That's what she calls football. In all likely hood we will not be home before football season ends. This makes me sad. We won't be able to ride our bikes to the field to watch. We wont be able to play out back in the crisp fall air and hear the band play or the announcer yell "touch down Washington". It may seem silly that this is what I am sad about, but it is incredibly hard to actually explain what this is like.

I didn't just lose my house/home. I lost my routine. I lost what I do from day to day. I am a mom. My home is my job and my solace. I can no longer take my kids to the park near our house. I can't take my kids to any of the parks where we may run in to our friends. We have to make play dates where friends have to drive 20+ minutes to see us. We can't do our morning routine of running to the gym and grocery store. The gym is no longer 3 minutes away. It is now a big ordeal to go there. Eislynn's school is no longer 5 minutes away. I must leave 30 minutes earlier and I can't come home while she is there. I used to be able to go home maybe do some laundry, wash the floors, prep dinner just whatever I needed to do while Graham took his morning nap. Watch a non kid show, take a walk on the bike trail with Graham sleeping in the stroller, just anything. Now I drive around. I drive around a city that a tornado ripped to shreds. Four months later it still brings instant tears when I see an elderly couple looking over the rubble of their home. Will they find one last treasure? Is this their last look before they put their lot up for sale? There are some I recognize. I didn't know many of them but I recognize them. They took such pride in their lawns and homes. They took their grandchildren for rides on their riding lawn mowers on Sunday's.

So that's some of the frustrating things. I still have no end in sight. That's frustrating. I NEED to know this will end. I need my house to get started so I have an end date. At this point I don't have an end date and that is so hard. All I know is I am not even half way through this.

To not sound all doomy and gloomy I should add there are so many blessings. So many amazing people have come to our aid. Friends, family, and even strangers from all over have helped us out beyond anything we could even ask and for that we are exceedingly grateful. I can't even begin to mention all the people and how they've helped us because we have been just THAT blessed. Blessed beyond words.

Friday, March 14, 2014

One Year

1 Samuel 1:27-28

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

27 For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him.

I can hardly believe my sweet baby man is already one year old. As I cuddled him to sleep this morning I was overcome by how beautiful and perfect I find him. From his bright red hair and silly ears to his chubby little feet. It is so odd that there was a time I wasn't sure I would ever have another baby and now I have two healthy beautiful children.

This has been the craziest year of our lives. A baby, a tornado, a car crash and a zillion things in between.

There are so many things I could say about this crazy baby but I will sum it up to this: Graham bam, you are a blessing. You are a sweetheart. I have a feeling we are about to find out what a strong willed kid really is. We were so sure your sister was one...we are starting to second guess that assessment. You know what you want and that's not always a bad thing :) Your smile warms my heart and your laugh is pretty awesome. I hope you keep your sunny disposition. I am excited to see what this next year will bring.

To Eislynn on your brothers first birthday: You are the best big sister. You have been such a help this past year and I love to see you play with your brother. You are both so lucky to have each other. I am so proud of you.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Today has been a day of questions. Eislynn is FULL of them. Which is perfect because she's almost 4 so I'm glad she is interested in learning. It is cold and rainy and blueberries are on sale for .99 a pint so pretty much nature forced my hand at making muffins. What's a girl to do really? So a trip to the grocery store was deemed necessary. With a toddler and a baby you only go to the grocery store when necessary. Today Eislynn REALLY wanted to pay for groceries. She got her purse ready, filled it with some change, told me I was not supposed to bring my wallet because she was buying, but then I had to tell her that I was probably going to have to buy them. "BUT MOM, I never ever, in my whole life, ever have got to buy groceries" Ok grab your purse lets go. Throughout the store which is hard to navigate at the moment since it's in total reconsturction mode she had 101 questions. I answered most. At the checkout she pushed ahead of me "mom, I need to give them the money I need to stand over there." Well, her $1.30 in change wasn't going to cut it. So I slipped her a $50 and told her I took it from her piggy bank so she was still paying with her money. Just so we are clear...I don't steal money from my daughters piggy bank. She pays the lady and we are off. We get home and I realize I forgot off to a DIFFERENT grocery store we go because 1. we ARE making muffins today and 2. I can't go back to the same one how embarrassing.
Here comes the learning experience, for both of us. Eislynn gets to learn about measuring, what a 1/3 of a cup means, how to crack an egg, how to zest and orange, how to mix without making everything fly out of the bowl. I get to learn patience, that a mess can be cleaned, and to just let go a bit. I would say that some people that know me imagine I LOVE to bake with my child. I actually sort of hate it, not because of her, but because I am too type A. I clean as I go, put ingredients away as soon as I use them, that sort of thing. She loves it though and I need to do these things with her while she actually still wants to do them with me. She was SO proud of herself for cracking that egg. Meanwhile we have questions. A million. What does cinnamon smell like? Saying cinnamon is not enough.."well does it smell like toast? a waffle? a dog? peanut butter? I think it should smell like peanut butter" At one point I had to say I need to think for just one minute so I can't answer questions. I needed to read the recipe and couldn't with all the questions. She says "oh, right, need to think. What are you thinking about, being a kitty?" This is where I have 2 options. 1. I say no and then she proceeds to ask what I am thinking about or 2. I say yes. So yes, I am thinking about being a kitty. She laughs and says "Oh yeah that would be so funny, when we would go to the store people would say hey that girls mom is a kitty" If I had made these muffins alone we wouldn't have had that moment. In that moment I am reminded of just how awesome she is. If she was watching word girl instead we wouldn't have had that.  While I was cleaning up Graham woke up so I asked her to go talk to him for a minute so I could clean up and then get him. She went into the toy room where he had been napping and pulled out her little piano and sang him a song about how much she loves him. Goodness I love those two.

While making my muffins a friend text me a question about baking. I was happy to get this text because it said to me "Hey, I think you aren't a total mess and know things about things" However, my answer was as follows "hmmm not sure the last time i tried to make a healthier muffin even a squirrel wouldn't eat it in a snow storm...literally that happened" I was flattered none the less. For real though, once during a storm I was baking and the muffins just didn't turn out. We saw a squirrel out back digging through the snow looking for food. We tossed him a muffin and I think his exact words were "no, I'm good I found some dirt"

Our muffins turned out yummy today. Here is the recipe if you want some too.
and here is Eislynn ready to go to the store and pay with her very own money. She insisted on wearing pjs..whatever.
my heart:

Sunday, May 5, 2013


I saw something on facebook recently about moms. It was something like "25 quotes about moms" something along those lines. Anyways, one of them was "If evolution really worked, how come mothers only have two hands" by Milton Berle. Well dear sir women can most certainly do enough with the two hands they do have and any more would run them into the ground :). Let me explain. I thought of this while I was feeding G the other day. He was laying in my arms and I was holding his bottle with one hand. E asked me to play with her and I told her I couldn't at the moment because I was feeding her brother. That's when she pointed out that I could actually play with her because I still had one hand, the one under G. So she put a little people princess in my hand and we played. This got me thinking about all I do or feel I need to do. It's no secret that women are generally better at multi-tasking then men, but lately I have almost been amazed at how many things I can do at one time with only two hands. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more. I think if I had more that I would feel I should be doing even more yet and there in lies the answer to Mr. Berle's question. At least with only two hands there is a limit to what a mother can do. She must take time to slow down and only do the 25 things she can do at once instead of trying to do 50. G likes to be worn in a wrap. I have found that when I am holding him in his wrap which frees up both my hands I can do quite a bit. One evening, the evening I realized I was doing too much, I was wearing G, baking muffins (from scratch not a box), making chicken alfredo with sauteed mushrooms and green peppers, and doing all the dishes as I went a long so I wouldn't have to do them after I did all of this. This was actually quite a lot to do while having a baby strapped to the front of me, however, I did it and survived. Anyways, mothers not having more hands is a matter of survival. If I could have been doing more things I would have, and maybe not survived ;) In a way I guess I'm proving that evolution does work? or not? I haven't had enough sleep to really know what I'm talking about, what I do know is God knew what he was doing and made us exactly as we are supposed to be.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Photo Post

Whoa, lots just happened in a month! Graham was born, we fly to North Dakota for my brother's wedding, Graham was baptized, we flew home again and almost got stuck in Denver, just life. Things are finally slowing down there have been about 100 different blog posts I have thought about writing over the past month. So many emotions and so much going on. Instead I am going to just post lots of pictures. :)

Love these two with all my heart

Pure Joy

A love like no other...great grandma

The best friend a girl could have

First easter

baptism blanket made out of his Great Grandma Rose's wedding gown


brother's wedding

one of my favorite pics, when I took it my first thought was "God is good" I already knew this but something
about how sweet and innocent the photo is only affirms it. :)


The quilt his great aunt made for him!

Professional pics:

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Less than 12 hours to go, we've got this.

I just put my "baby" girl to bed as an only child for the last time. So weird. I have been trying not to focus on "lasts" lately and keep in mind all the wonderful "firsts" that are about to come our way instead. I did still soak up every last minute with her though. We read an extra book and talked a few extra minutes. Then I sang her "Night Mantra" by Renee and Jeremy and rubbed her back and belly. Just when I thought she was sleeping she whispered "Sing some more, sing the song about me" which is just the tune of "Left and Leaving" by the weakerthans but with my own words all about how she's such a good/sweet girl. I may have missed my calling as a indie music children's cover writer...or not. She likes it though.

Silly story time. Because the next few weeks are going to take a toll on me physically and mentally I need to record this story so it doesn't get lost in the memories because it's sort of a gem, to me. The other day Eislynn came up to my room and asked me if she could have some gum. She has never had gum. I have told her in the past she couldn't  have it because it would hurt her throat. As I imagine choking is not good for your throat, so this is mostly true! I figured since she is 3 1/2, pretty smart for her age, and with her grandma that sure she could try a piece of gum. I said "Sure, but just so you know you can't swallow it. You have to chew it and then when you are done you spit it out." She looked at me all serious and said "Oh, that's too hard I HAVE to swallow" I said "Well you can't swallow the gum but you can swallow in general" she said "Oh no that's too hard, remember you don't let me have gum, I don't want gum anymore." Then she thought for a moment and said, in her cute way with hand gestures "MAYYYYYBE I will chew gum after I go see like a gum teacher?" I laughed and told her there isn't such a person and that her grandma or I could most certainly show her how to chew gum. She said "No, I will just wait till I am older and have a gum teacher. Not a teacher made out of gum, but a teacher that teaches gum." She is outrageous. She keeps us laughing all the time. It is so crazy to me that tomorrow I will have another child and that I will love them and think they are just as awesome as she is because she definitely sets the bar high. I am pretty excited.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

One month

One month from today is the big day! Unless he decides otherwise we will meet out little man exactly one month from today. I am at that point where my belly is so big it's humorous and apparently my dryer is shrinking all of my clothes. I should get that thing checked out. It only seems to be shrinking my stuff. The little guy is still really active. It's so weird because E wasn't really even half as active as he is. She moved, but he is crazy.

Today is Valentine's Day. Last year's Valentine's day was HARD. It was my grandpas funeral. It was beautiful in that it is a day for love and my grandparents were the perfect example of love. It is a day to be with the ones you love and we were surrounded with loved ones. Saying good bye is still very hard. This year I wanted to have a happier day. E and I went to my doctor appointment and then out for lunch and frozen yogurt. My doctor appt was long but E was awesome the whole time. Baby is measuring in the 60 percentile with an estimated birth weight of 8 lbs. He is measuring a week a head so 36 weeks instead of 35. Considering he will be taken out at 39 weeks being a week a head is much better than behind.

Thanks to some great friends Cole and I got to go out the other night for my birthday/Valentine's Day. We went to a place we hadn't been before, The Rythm Kitchen, it was delicious. I had a salmon blt and now I just want another one hehe :). Today C text me and asked if Eislynn had given me anything special for Valentine's Day. She hadn't, infact she told me she forgot to get me something. A few minutes after I got that text she came running screaming HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY and had a fake rose with glitter and a bag of m&m's. She told me it was hidden under her bed. She was so proud. She got to pick it out herself. She loves to have surprises for people. She has something for my birthday tomorrow and if I mention my birthday she gives Cole a silly look or whispers "don't tell her we got anything". It's adorable.

35 weeks

We finished off the day by making homemade pizza for supper. We have decided to call it "punch" pizza because you have to knead the dough or "punch it" to make it tasty :)