Lately I have been thinking alot about "problems" with Eislynn. Her eating problem, sleeping problem, screaming if she has to sit still problem :). I have been thinking more and more about how these are just not necessarily problems or at least if they are they're ones I am so very blessed to deal with. How often do we think of every day "problems" like that?
When Eislynn was first born it was so easy to remember how blessed I was and I hardly let anything get to me because I was just so happy to have a healthy baby that no amount of sleep deprivation could make me forget how lucky we are to have her. Lately I have been forgetting to step back a second and thank God for the problems I do have. I read a news story recently about a man in Michigan who lost his wife in a car accident. After 14 years of marriage and 16 months of trying to get pregnant she was now in the last month of her pregnancy. She would have been due at the end of February. They managed to save the baby, Miranda, but she had no brain activity and after what must have been a heart wrenching decision she was taken off life support and buried Saturday February 12th with her mommy. I have read the man's blog and can't stop thinking about him and his family. He would give anything to have a 16 month old who all of a sudden wakes 2 to 4 times a night. He wouldn't care if he had to sleep most of the night in a lazy boy recliner, holding his baby so they could both get some sleep.
My doctor says I need to let Eislynn "cry it out" how dumb is that? She acts like by giving her a bottle and rocking her to bed I am abusing her. Seriously, there has to be another way to get her to fall asleep and stay asleep than shut the door and leave. I tried it a few desperate times and she threw up in less than 15 minutes, and I mean like hugely alot threw up. What's working for me now is when it's time to go to her room we rock for about 10 minutes. Then I put her in the crib and if she is upset I sing a little and then sit on the floor and hold her hand until she is asleep. Tonight as I was sitting on the floor, my hand through the side of the crib holding hers, I didn't think "this would be so much easier if she could put herself to sleep." Instead I thought about how precious these little moments are. Soon she will be a big kid, a teenager even, and she won't want me to hold her hand anymore. I don't think that I am ruining her sleep habits for life or making her a dependent child. When I was little my dad would lay with his legs in my room and read the newspaper as I fell asleep. This way my brother could see him from his bed and I could see him from my bed and we were all happy and secure. Both my brother and I graduated top of our class and didn't need my dad to sleep in the hallway until we were 30. Eventually I realized there were no alligators under the bed and it was ok to go to sleep by myself.
I have said before I was jealous that a friends baby would just go to sleep just like that. They lay her down she goes to sleep until the morning and always has since she was an infant...magic? Maybe. All the sleep books I have read lately point to yes magic is involved there. We all sleep different. So I don't see why we expect all babies to lay down in their cribs and go to bed just like magic. Eislynn is normally so independent and so busy. She isn't much of a cuddler because that would require her to sit still. So I think that I will continue to sit and hold her hand while she drifts off to sleep knowing that I am so very blessed to have such a silly, sweet, healthy, gorgeous baby girl.
