reasons

Ok, while I am on the theme of how God works in my life here is a bigger picture example beyond traffic and music.

So many people think that I am or should be mad with God. I simply am not. I do not understand why Cole and I can not have another baby when there are many people who do not want or care for their children but I do not believe that God is punishing me. I trust there is a bigger plan and picture. When I had my first mc before Eislynn. I just asked why, why, and why. I was so angry that crack addicts (not the word i used then :)) and other such people had babies but I lost mine. I now see though, whether it truly is what God had planned or if it is just my humble interpretation of his plan, I see a very concise and real reasoning behind it. I actually kind of like this story so I thought I should type it out to remember years from now.

In 2008 when I lost my first pregnancy we had just moved to Peoria, IL. We lived in some not so awesome apartments and were starting to look at houses for when our lease was up. We got the news at my first OB appointment that even though I should have been 9 weeks I was really only measuring 5 and that we wouldn't be having a baby in April. I couldn't get a D & C because of a lady's error at CAT. She had messed up our insurance and we didn't have any at the moment and the procedure was very expensive so we decided to wait it out and hope I miscarried naturally. Life went on. One rainy day I got home from work and the apartment was flooding. So much so that management had to put us up in a hotel. After a week they deemed the apartment liveable and we had to move back in. It was NOT liveable. It had a moldy smell before but now it was just awful almost unbearable. But it was stay there or be homeless. Cole and I got sick. Very sick. We had to go  back to a hotel on our own dime this time though.

Throughout this process we had been searching for a house even faster. Cole's parents were coming to visit us and we had no where to live let alone for them to stay! We ended up making a very quick decision to buy a condo in Washington. It was a bit more than we wanted to spend and we hadn't been looking for condos we were looking for houses with a fenced in yard and at least 3 bedrooms. Here is a quick version of what went down: -houses we had been looking at were all in a bad part of town we didn't realize was THAT bad
                  -seriously lots of robberies or murders in those parts
                  -our apartment management company wouldn't let us out of our lease because they claim we                
                  could still live in our apartment, we had to pay 2,000 to get our of our lease
                  -in the mean time I had to go to the emergency room for excessive bleeding and we now had a
                    big hospital bill coming since we had no insurance.
Life in Illinois was not getting off to the best start! Things picked up though :) Once CAT got things straightened out they did give us some of the money back for the ER visit since it was their fault for the mix up. The Vicodin also helped :)  Anyways...we went on to have Eislynn and that was great. We did however start thinking maybe we had jumped the gun a bit on the condo because it wasn't really the best "investment". Don't worry I am getting to the good stuff....One day Eislynn and I were at the park near our condo and there appeared to be a moms group there. I thought to my self "I wish I knew of a moms group, that would be nice to have/be a part of" Not even two hours later there was a knock on my door and a lady named Chris who lived in another one of the condos was inviting me to join the new moms group at her church. Now if that's not a sign that I was supposed to go to that moms group then I don't know what is! So I went. This moms group has been good for both Eislynn and I. It has lead to many friendships and we now attend the church it's held at as well. Both MOPS and the church make me feel more like part of a community. Without them I think I would be unhappy living in Illinois so far away from friends and family. This would put stress on me, Cole, and Eislynn too. If we hadn't had that miscarriage and all those other bad things happen I don't think we would have jumped so fast into that condo. If we hadn't then I would have never met Chris and would never have found my moms group or my church. Is this really the "reason" maybe, maybe not. All I know is I ended up having a wonderful amazing little girl and ended up meeting wonderful amazing people that I would have never met if it wasn't for the baby before Eislynn. Having an angel up there to watch over you is really quite a blessing.