Today, because my math isn't so good, I have been thinking about how crazy it is that I am half way through this pregnancy. The chorus to the song "Living on a Prayer" has been in my head since yesterday. At some point today I realized a week from today is actually half way but that's not important. I have still been thinking about it quite a bit. Today I am 18 weeks and 4 days along. I am counting 19 weeks and 4 days as half way since I will have to have a c-section at 39 weeks. Which should be March 14th if all goes as planned.
I have felt the baby move a few times a day over the past week or so. It's such a crazy thing. Soon these little kicks will get much stronger and be more frequent. I still have thoughts from time to time that this could all be taken away at any moment, this is true though for any pregnant women regardless of her history. All my losses were very early and I have only made it this far with Eislynn and my current pregnancy. The other night I had the first twinge of "it's not supposed to be like this" that I have had this pregnancy. Until now I have just been grateful, so so very grateful, for each day that I have made it through. The other night though after giving myself particularly painful shot I looked at my bruised up belly and let out a few tears. It was a fleeting moment of feeling sorry for myself but it was still real. I know many women have had to go through worse things to get/stay pregnant or have not been able to have children at all. I do feel blessed that I have been given this gift but sometimes those shots hurt and lately they have been bruising more than usual. I just have to believe that in just a few months I will be holding my new baby and all this pain will be just a memory. It will become a story of love and endurance; the story of a baby who was very much so wanted and loved before HE ever arrived. :)