Viable

Viable, the word swirled around in my head the whole way home. I can not believe he said viable. This is not a term I am used to hearing unless the word "not" is in front of it.

I had an ultrasound on Tuesday. I had my self braced, emotions and hopes guarded, I was prepared for what route I would take when he told me that sorry once again this one won't be the one. I took deep breathes over and over to try and slow my heart a bit as it raced while I watched the clock waiting for Dr. G to come in. He turned on the machine I saw the sac but didn't see anything in it and my fears were confrimed...until Dr. G said this looks like a viable pregnancy in the uterus (first making sure it wasn't ectopic). I think the only thing I said was something along the lines of "seriously?" or "for real?". He continued  on taking measurement including measuring the beats per minute of the baby that although it was hardly a little fuzzy looking spot was still a baby and it had a heart beat. He told me that he obviously can't make any guarantees but that there is no indication that this pregnancy won't work out. Everything is the right size, shape, and in the correct place. I just laid their silently I don't really even know how to react to good news :) He told me about how he had a lady earlier in the day and he baby had passed by the third ultrasound but they knew it didn't look promising from the start. I will have another ultrasound this coming Tuesday. I feel like if I see that precious little fuzzy ball and it has grown into more of a bean and still has a heart beat then I may finally be able to admit that this could be my rainbow baby.

I have been so sick all week. I haven't felt like the best mommy to E. She has been a trooper and a real sweetheart though!